What is self-care, and why is it important?

Self-care is actually one of the best things we can do to look after our mental and physical health – and it’s simply about doing things that make us happy.

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In essence, self-care is anything we do that makes us feel good emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Because of this, self-care is subjective, and can range from reading a book to training for Iron Man. It’s called “self-care” because it involves deliberate actions on our part: we have to consciously carry it out, and it can’t be decided or enforced by circumstances, society or other people.

This makes self-care different to simply “care”. Eating, sleeping, earning a living, housework – these are all elements of care, but they are different from self-care. Self-care is separate from the basics of daily survival because of this element of control and choice.

Unlike feeding ourselves, we can all survive without self-care: but arguably, in a less mentally and physically healthy state. Here’s a closer look at how self-care can improve your mental and physical wellbeing.

Self-Care is Whatever You Want it To Be

There’s a bit of a popular myth that self-care involves baths and scented candles. For some of us, yes it does. However, if making the time to watch the rugby on a weekend makes you feel good about yourself, that’s also self-care. Lose the New Age label, and self-care is closer to what we used to call “hobbies”.

Self-care can be as simple as going for a daily jog. You can also add a measure of self-care to everyday activities. For example, cook meals with your favourite ingredients, or listen to music on the morning commute. These small things can make a tremendous difference to your wellbeing.

Self-Care is Not Selfish

As a society, we’re taught that things to do with the “self” are negative. Self-absorbed, self-conscious, self-obsessed, selfish… It’s not surprising that many of us push away our own needs and desires.

People with dependents are often the worst at neglecting their own wants. Remember the safety demonstration on the plane? Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others with theirs. If you don’t have your own oxygen, you can’t support other people: if parents get burned out, the harsh fact is that they will not be able to care for their kids as well as they could. Looking after your physical health and your emotional wellbeing benefits everyone around you.

Easy, Everyday Self-Care

If you ever find yourself thinking “I need more me-time” or putting off treats, the chances are you’re neglecting your self-care.

You don’t have to go straight in with signing up to the Open University or installing a hot tub. As with anything new start with baby steps. Try introducing one relaxing or pleasurable activity a day, even if it’s just half an hour with the dog on your knee and a magazine.

Another self-care myth is that there are costs involved. Emotional and physical wellbeing do not have to have a financial cost, and this is tied in with the old “yoga and candles” stereotype. Go for a walk, take out a library book, chat with a friend, stroke the cat…

And as ever, remember – this is not selfish. Lose that awful phrase “guilty pleasure”. Watching a soap or reading a novel is simply a pleasure.

Managing Self-Care With Kids

Many parents will agree that the demands of raising kids make me-time near-impossible. Yes, there’s plenty of physical activity and stimulation involved with child care, but there’s a world of difference between doing laps of the pool and wresting a toddler into armbands. We all need that metaphorical solo swim sometimes.

As we’ve discussed already, be realistic. Setting up an ambitious programme that you can’t achieve simply increases resentment. The great thing about small children is that you set the agenda. Take the pram to your favourite places and try to meet with friends. Work with what you’ve got to make things achievable. With older kids, have an hour or so in the evening when everyone does their own thing. It’s really positive role-modelling for the children to see that Mum and Dad unwind, too.

Saying “No” can be Self-Care

I know – we’ve been looking at positive changes, and now I’m telling you to say “no”. Take positive action by refusing something. Don’t answer the phone when there’s a film on. Decline an invitation to dinner if you’d rather not go. Look after your energy and stress levels by not always being the one who gives the lifts or picks up the groceries. This is not selfish – you’re managing your reserves.

Self-Care and Therapy

Referring yourself to a therapist or counsellor is a powerful way of taking control of your self-care. Much like signing up to the gym, it’s a way of maintaining your health. If you feel stressed or anxious, reaching out will help you regain a sense of control. See also how to know if you have anxiety. I often work with people to develop relaxation techniques, which support general emotional and mental wellbeing.