Great Minds Clinic July 2020

Hypnotherapy for Anger Management

Feeling angry is normal. We all feel angry sometimes, and it’s one of the many emotions that make us human. However, sometimes it can feel like our anger has become out of control, resulting in outbursts, a constant simmering feeling, or a combination of both.

We’ll take a closer look at this complicated emotion, and look at ways that you can control feelings of anger.

Find out more about Hypnotherapy for anxiety here. I am also currently offering a free initial consultation you can book here.

What causes anger?

We all have different triggers for anger. We can become angry if we feel threatened, intimidated, ignored, frustrated or powerless. It is also a normal part of the grieving process.

Often, anger comes from fear. An article in Psychology Today explains how anger is a mask for fear. When another driver “carves us up” on the road, our understandable fear (a near-miss is a physical threat) turns to rage in a split second. Anger is a defence mechanism, transferring fear and anxiety into an emotion that makes us feel more in control of the situation.

Why does feeling stressed make me angry?

Let’s peer into the stress bucket again, our own personal anxiety meter that fills and empties depending on our circumstances and current psychology.

I’m writing this in the summer of 2020, a time that has brought its own unique stresses. During lockdown, the things that help us lower the stress levels (hanging out with friends, exercise such as gym classes and swimming, holidays) simply haven’t been an option. This of course is combined with the whole new collection of worries that Covid-19 has brought.

When our stress buckets start to fill, the vicious circle of “negative thoughts – anxiety – lack of REM sleep – greater anxiety” comes into play. We’re not getting the sleep we need to help empty our buckets, and one of the effects of this is increased irritability. So, on top of all our other anxieties, we’re simply not getting enough sleep. If you’re unsure about the relationship between sleep and mood, spend some time with a toddler who’s in need of a nap. You’ll soon see the link.

As well as this, all the emotions commonly associated with stress (feeling low, overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated) are all powerful triggers for anger.

When is anger a problem?

As we mentioned earlier, anger is a normal emotion. It actually has benefits, such as acting as a motivator (the Black Lives Matter movement comes from anger about injustice, for example), and suppressing strong emotions can be even worse for mental health than letting them out. Some people naturally flare up then calm down again quickly, and that’s simply their emotional make-up.

However, there’s a line where anger spills over into something more harmful. Anger can lead to unhelpful behaviours that can put us and others at risk.

Anger and aggression are not always the same thing. Shouting, swearing and physical violence are the unacceptable side of anger. Aggression can also turn inward into self-loathing or even self-harm. Passive-aggressive behaviours (such as deliberately blanking others) are also a form of aggressive anger.

Social media has its own anger problem. It’s all too easy to vent our anger on social media, especially over controversial issues, without realising that our hastily typed comments harm actual humans.

Anger isn’t good for our general health. The phrase “Calm down, you’ll give yourself a heart attack” has a ring of truth, as some research indicates that high stress levels can increase your heart rate and blood pressure.

If anger is becoming too dominant an emotion, we start to feel out of control.

How can I control my anger?

Happily, there are plenty of things you can do when you feel that anger welling up.

Counting, deep breathing, stepping outside into the fresh air and a physical movement like stretching are all tried-and-tested ways of calming down. Rationalising situations by re-framing them. Go to your mental “happy place” or to a real place like your garden and sit alone for a while.

These techniques are great at reducing outburst of anger. However, if you’d describe your general mood as “angry”, you’ll need to look at longer-term solutions. A new routine (such as an improved sleep routine) can help greatly. Try a new form of exercise, or a restful hobby such as reading, gardening or something creative. You may need to manage your stress and anxiety levels first (and we’ll come onto that in a moment).

If you are worried that your anger could harm yourself or others, speak to your GP who can refer you to a specialist. Anger is nothing to be ashamed of, and with the right help, your emotions can be rebalanced so you can manage your anger. Hormones also have a big part to play in our emotions, and again, PMS and the menopause can be discussed with your doctor.

Can hypnotherapy help me deal with anger?

Yes, it can. Solution focused hypnotherapy works by helping you foresee a different future, then guides you through the steps to get there. It could be that you envisage a future with fewer outbursts, and we look at ways of managing stress and anxiety to help you achieve this.

If you are worried that your emotions are out of control, and you want to find ways to manage your anger, please call me for a confidential chat.